these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
