we have pet lesbian snakes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
