Just fell off a train. Bad.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
