people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
