Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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