Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
