Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
