I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
