I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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