I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
