I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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