your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
