Just cropdusted the office
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
