You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
