I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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