Your face is a jimmy john
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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