he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
