I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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