oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
