Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
