please come you make the beer taste better
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
