I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
