Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize