Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
