I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
