So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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