god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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