The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
