I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
