JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize