i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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