quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
