Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
