I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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