i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
