I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
