i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
