i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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