She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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