Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
