You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
