Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
