I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize