Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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