Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
