i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
