You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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