The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
third nipple confirmed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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