even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
