You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
