Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
