Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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