I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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