We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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