when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
