...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
