hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
