the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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