my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
