My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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