Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
