this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Randomize
