Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
