I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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