so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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