Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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